Lazy Gramophones Journals

We here at Lazy Gramophone Press are currently celebrating the publication of our fifth book: Will Conway Tastes of Ink: A message; A history; A quest; A passing; A death sentence; A claim; A sacrifice; A confession; A loss; Nine stories, some sweet, some rather unsavoury... but all very tasty. W ill Conway's first book, complete... read more

Available to buy now from our online shop! A message; A history; A quest; A passing; A death sentence; A claim; A sacrifice; A confession; A loss; Nine stories, some sweet, some rather unsavoury... but all very tasty. Will Conway's first book, complete with illustrations by Daniel Chidgey, is a collection of short stories about life, death and everything in... read more

Valentine's day eh? Ask anyone what it means and it is likely that the most interesting response you'll get is that it's the day when you have to buy your girlfriend flowers which are suddenly more expensive even though you don't usually buy flowers so you don't really know how much they actually cost anyway. Let's not pretend we're really celebrating the martyrdom of a possible priest in Roma... read more

Today I found out about Darth Vader being caught for fare-dodging on the train. The chap had changed his name for charity in 1999 when Lucasarts released the Fandom Menace. Even his wife (Sue Vader) had taken his name so I joked that maybe they had a daughter called Fairy. My Sun-style pun was not well received by my colleagues, unsurprisingly. (Go-Ogle the story if you're really interested but there's... read more

(I just found this on my computer so I thought I'd post it) I was pestered by dreams last night of incorrect passwords and screens freezing, as well as spooning an ex girlfriend but not having sex. I couldn't get the screen lock off my mobile to make an important call and my computer was not working. There were flashes of dystopian shopping centres and automated services as well as locked doors... read more

So 30 years have passed since the Salinger-obsessed Texan came from Hawaii to shoot one of the most influential musicians of all time outside his home in New York. I was going to write yesterday but due to time differences and the aforementioned songwriter's fixation on the number 9 some argue that 'technically in Britain he died on the 9th.' Meanwhile back in Manhattan 'fans' crowded outside Lennon's... read more

I've had one of the stories, 'Potty Mouth', type-set by Dan 'Prestige' Prescott & printed onto postcards. I've been leaving these in places where people might like to pick them up. I've also stuck them up in toilets around the capital. If anybody has any suggestions of where they'd like to see them, let us know. I'll then go out, buy some more blu-tack, and bring out a wad (ooh-er). They're great... read more

My shoes squeak as I turn on my toes and step up to the urinal. The cleaner has clearly visited recently as it smells, not exactly fresh but chemically lemony. I unzip and as I look into the bowl I see that there are fresh 'mints' in there. Instead of the usual two pale, sickly mini hockey pucks there are three bright new yellow spheres. "Hey, three balls!” I say for no reason other than to... read more

Once upon a time there was a young boy named Sompop. He liked to play in the woods near his home and would always run to his mother with tales of the interesting new creatures he 'd seen. The first time he saw a stoat his mother heard the story a hundred times. One day, he was climbing up a thick tree searching for birds' nests, when a big crow startled him and he fell to the floor and bumped his... read more